Forget The World of Gourmet Cheese: French Crisps Represent Utterly Depraved.
Over the holidays, I was staying in France, an area that appeared exuding refined charm. Elegant, shimmering illuminations, market stalls stacked with remarkably pristine fruit and vegetables, and such an abundance of fromage capable of clogging the entire Channel Tunnel with cholesterol. Heaping dishes of shimmering crustaceans atop ice beds seen through fogged brasserie windows. Upon seeing a lengthy yet well-mannered procession of elegant residents picking up their artisanal *Bûche de Noël*, I mused, with some guilt, that my native city, York, which turns into a modern reimagining of a tableau of excess during the festive season featuring mince-pie flavoured vapes and BuzzBallz, would do well to absorb several tips.
The Elegant Facade
Yet this entire “art de vivre” stuff is just a refined front – The country succumbs just as easily to its lowest desires similar to everywhere else. Simply step inside any grocery store and you’ll see. The potato chip section is an absolute sink of depravity, lined with such varieties as Roquefort, spiced bean patty, Flemish stew and salted butter flavours. What kind of person consumes chips that taste of butter? It brings to mind an item typical of those infamous midway festivals where they deep fry sticks of butter. One popular comic has asserted they are the ultimate chip she’s ever tasted, though she has clearly succumbed to some kind of regional conditioning – she grew up in Brittany.
International Unregulation
It is widely understood the world of potato chip seasoning internationally operates with as few rules as big tech. Nobody seems willing to allow the humble spud to shine on its own, enhanced only as necessary with just a dignified dusting of salt. The UK boasts a dark history when it comes to snack tastes on British soil, especially at this time of year. Not long ago, after all, gave us Christmas-cake flavoured crisps and limited-edition Beef Wellington Walkers. Let us also recall the occasion when a major retailer thought “sparkling wine and seasonal fruit” constituted a desirable taste in a salty crisp? I had higher hopes from the nation of culinary masters.
Where does it end? *Pâté*-flavoured snacks? Cream puff crisps? Tobacco-flavoured chips? I should stop, before I accidentally suggest the next big thing.
